To communicate effectively, first of all it is necessary to learn that the emotional impact of some movements, words and phrases that we say to each other with little attention, and that the effect of their incorrect use can have on ourselves, can also impact on how the horse responds . Therefore, it is important to become aware of what we do and say to ourselves to move even faster in the direction of our equestrian goals.
A brief introduction, the sentences...
"You'll never make it!"..."What do you think you can accomplish with that horse?"..."You don't have the skills or financial resources to succeed in this industry."
Well, these are harmful phrases for those who listen to them, how many times have I heard them, addressed to me, to the horses I was competing with, to the training I was teaching my horse 'brocco' (a term used to define a horse with poor physical qualities for any discipline, the nag on duty) or in general for any performance I wanted to do.
And how many times have I heard these phrases also addressed to other riders, especially referring to pairs (horse and rider), where the horse had not been purchased at stratospheric prices, did not have textbook genealogies or did not come from stables of important names, and As a result it was labeled as unpromising. Sometimes these observations were motivated by the desire to push you to "change" your horse to make money, as if the horse were just a tool, a tennis racket. But reflecting on this, I realized that even a tennis racket becomes attached to you! On other occasions, I have heard these words from frustrated individuals or from people who simply made judgments without fully understanding the situation.
These comments, uttered by trainers, friends, or even relatives, can have a negative impact on our self-esteem and influence our relationship with horses. In this article, we will explore how to handle these situations and improve communication with horses through positive self-talk.
Repel destructive criticism and stay determined
Every time I heard these words, I felt a sort of "emotional hives". This is a sentiment that I believe many riders share. Regardless of who said these phrases, whether it was an instructor, a technician, a doctor, a professor, a boss, a colleague or even a friend, I always felt that these words should be rejected.
Regardless of who says these phrases and the context, it is essential not to passively accept them. We must protect our motivation and self-esteem from such negative judgments. We take on a mental shield to fend off destructive criticism and maintain our resolve.
“No,” I have told myself countless times, “I will not allow these words to undermine my ideas, my plans, my goals and my dreams.” Unfortunately, sometimes we let these words penetrate our emotional armor, just like a virus infecting a computer.
Just as we protect our computers from harmful viruses, we must protect ourselves from the “doubt virus.” We must not allow destructive criticism to undermine our motivation, our confidence and, ultimately, our self-esteem.
As Plato said: "Genius consists of two percent talent and ninety-eight percent persevering application." Your mind is your most powerful asset and, at the same time, your greatest weakness. Use it wisely.
What does it mean to be consistent with the horse
Horses love it consistency. To communicate effectively we must remain constant in our communication, both on a physical level but above all on an emotional level. It doesn't matter if you use a super perfect technique to make a request to the horse if your mood is altered or in a state of stress, excitement or tension. This will not make your request coherent in the eyes of the horse who will see less fluid and disorderly movements and therefore, with great probability, will confirm his tendency to rely on his instinct rather than the rider who leads him.
This is why, before learning to communicate well with the horse it is necessary to learn to communicate well with yourself to give your body the opportunity to move accordingly! Internal dialogue directly affects our emotional state and, consequently, our interaction with the horse.
Learn to empower yourself by making the best use of your internal dialogue
The words you use have an effect on you and inevitably on the horse, because, as we know, horses recognize emotions very well and from them they can understand whether to put themselves in a state of alert, activation and tension or remain in a state of calm. , serenity, it is therefore necessary, to be a good rider, to learn to understand the moods that pass through you and to exploit a conscious dialogue to improve your communication skills with yourself but above all with the horse and thus create a true connection.
Let's start from the fact that words are important, especially the ones we say to ourselves! Some words have a strong emotional impact on us and when we listen to certain words, areas of the brain are activated in us which will cause biochemical states within our body and therefore lead you to have one emotional state rather than another!
The words we use with ourselves
Imagine finding yourself with the horse carried by hand, calmly intent on grazing the grass, when suddenly you notice a hot air balloon gliding low in the sky. Inevitably, your horse sees it too, it's your mental reaction that matters here. If you say to yourself, “This is a big problem!” and you begin to create negative mental images about what might happen, you are already generating a negative emotional state associated with the word "problem." As a result, you may feel stuck, waiting under tension, and transmit this tension to the horse, who may already be in a state of alert. And so, the catastrophe you feared has a high probability of happening.
But what if you described the same situation differently? For example, if you have a competitive soul, you might start by saying, "This is a great challenge!" That way, you would approach the situation completely differently, wouldn't you say? On the other hand, if you prefer a calmer approach, you might say to yourself, "This is a sensitive situation," resulting in an entirely different effect. In either case, by changing the words you use, you would begin to tune into a more functional emotional state to communicate effectively with the horse. This is fundamental, because in most situations where we let the horse decide what to do, we find ourselves in difficulty and in potentially dangerous situations for both us and the horse.
In short, the same situation can lead to three different moods, each of which can lead to a different reaction, influencing the horse's response. In one of these states you will feel blocked and allow the horse to take control, in the other you will be active and ready to intervene if the horse needs help in a difficult situation, while in the third you will be in a state of alert, still maintaining mental presence towards the horse.
The power of internal dialogue
Therefore, to develop a true connection with the horse and become a point of reference for him, it is essential to use useful words that induce empowering emotional states.
Instead, other powerful phrases that I hear riders say and which can have a strong impact on the horse's mental and physical state and sensations are:
- "This work session is making me depressed";
- or “The horse made me angry.”
In both of these situations, mental and physical states are being created and therefore annoying sensations are being passed on to the horse which, like a good prey, will react accordingly.
If we approach a particular or difficult situation on horseback with the wrong mindset, we create a negative emotional state. For example, instead of "it makes me depressed" - which, let's face it, is a really heavy and difficult emotional state to deal with, and I'm sure that a horse can't actually create a situation like that, but the emotional state that develops inside the pair is a powerful and clear signal of little trust and connection between horse and rider - here you could say to yourself: "it makes me feel a bit down in the dumps". This would definitely ease the situation.
Even when the horse tests us, we avoid thinking words like "he made me angry", which generate tension. Instead, we choose words that create a positive state of mind and allow us to stay calm and focused. So instead of saying, “This work session is making me depressed,” or “The horse made me angry,” you could use denial on words that trigger a completely different state of mind and cause you to focus on more empowering thoughts. For example: “I'm feeling a little down about this work session” or “I'm not happy when the horse behaves like this.”
In the same way, as I spoke at the beginning, if someone installs a limiting belief in you, telling you that "you will never make it"... your brain will go looking for confirmation of these beliefs and every time you have a bad moment , a difficult situation, you will need to be able to use your internal dialogue in a more empowering way.
If an exercise doesn't go as you would like, instead of telling yourself: "well, I can't do anything", "I'm a disaster", "I always make mistakes"...which undermine your identity as a rider, you could see them as moments of enthusiasm comparison with yourself and with the horse which makes equestrian activity truly stimulating and which allows you to improve as a rider! Then again, if everything were always linear with horses, do you have any idea what dull and unstimulating experiences it would be? It wouldn't even be nice to go to the horse, it would be incredibly boring!
In summary, training to use words that induce positive emotional states allows you to communicate more effectively with the horse, improving your connection and your ability to manage complex situations.
ALSO READ: Gestures to avoid with the horse
In conclusion
Learning to use empowering words allows us to have positive emotional states that promote better communication with horses. This does not mean that we will no longer feel frustration or anger, but it will allow us to manage our emotions so that we can communicate more effectively with our horse but not only...
The words we use influence our mental states and our identity. Our brain tends to seek confirmation of our beliefs. So, let us wisely choose the words that build our identity as knights.
Let's pay attention to the words we say to ourselves and change them with sweeter ones that avoid creating frustration or heavy emotions in us. Let's train ourselves to use words that stimulate serene states of mind in us, these will form the basis for fluid and effective communication with our horse.
If you continue to find yourself in challenging situations with your horse, consider exploring additional strategies in the next article.
Edited by Jessica Novelli, for Fedda.
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